


So, you became an expert in paleogenetic engineering overnight.

by soulshrapnel



Category: Iron Man (Movies), Jurassic Park - All Media Types, Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Christmas Fluff, Christmas Presents, F/M, Pets, Questionable Business Decisions
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-10
Updated: 2019-01-10
Packaged: 2019-10-07 21:49:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,365
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17373884
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/soulshrapnel/pseuds/soulshrapnel
Summary: Tony gives Pepper dinosaurs for Christmas.





	So, you became an expert in paleogenetic engineering overnight.

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Fabular_Mr_Fox](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fabular_Mr_Fox/gifts).



> Rated teen for very mild swears.

            Pepper stared at the folder of stock certificates and forced herself to take three deep breaths. She hadn’t gotten this far by losing her composure every time Tony Stark pulled Tony Stark’s brand of crap in her presence. But it was occasionally tempting. She looked up from the folder, measured and cool, and met his smirking eyes.

            “Merry Christmas,” said Tony.

            “Just for the record,” said Pepper, “this is not a Christmas present. A hostile takeover of a company I’ve never even heard of is not a Christmas present.”

            “InGen is a _great_ Christmas present. Just look at their projected profits for 2018. I even wrapped it up in the red foil paper that you like, look.”

            Pepper had complained last year when Tony had given her a Tesla Model S, the whole of which was wrapped in red foil paper and placed under a tree on the first floor of the Stark Tower. Pepper had said it was pointlessly extravagant and a waste of good paper. Tony had selectively ignored all of it except that she’d called the paper “good”.

            “I am the CEO of Stark Industries,” said Pepper. “Corporate acquisitions are my job, not yours. I don’t even know how this fits into our portfolio. We’re defense technology, they’re... biotech?” Despite herself, she was flipping the pages, scanning them with a businesswoman’s practised eye. The stock certificates themselves didn’t have much information, but some intern had thoughtfully prepared an information booklet on the company’s assets and growth over the past four quarters. “You couldn’t have gotten me wine, or modern art, or...”

            Her complaints only seemed to be increasing Tony’s glee. He came up behind her, put his arms around her waist. She allowed it; there was something charming about Tony when he was happy. “You haven’t gotten to the good part yet,” he informed her. “Wait for it. Wait for it, you’re going to love this, trust me.”

            “Cloning?” said Pepper, reading further. “Genetic recombination? That’s great, Tony. Really great. The last thing Stark Industries needs are the anti-military _and_ anti-GMO demographics both shouting at us at the same time.”

            Tony was practically bouncing on the balls of his feet. “Wait for it.”

            Pepper flipped another page. And went completely still.

            “Dinosaurs,” she said flatly.

            “Dinosaurs!” said Tony, vibrating with excitement.

            Pepper pushed out of his grip and turned to face him. “This is ridiculous. These people are charlatans. You’ve just bought me the next... Clonaid. We’re going to look crazy. You can’t clone dinosaurs. There isn’t even a known example of enough sequenceable DNA being recovered from a fossil to _start_ a clone.”

            Tony’s grin only widened, and Pepper realized she’d misstepped. She’d gone through a dinosaur phase as a child, the same as half the population. Her favourites had been the long-necked ones: so strangely graceful and powerful, both at once. She still occasionally kept up with the research in her free time. If Tony hadn’t before, he did now.

            “They’re going to make a park,” he announced. “A theme park. The next Disney World. Who’s going to spend the money to hang out with a cartoon mouse when you could fly to an island with real, live dinosaurs? They provide the dinosaurs, we use Stark Industries tech to make the rest of the experience perfect. Bleeding-edge.” He gestured wildly. “Monorails over whole herds of brachiosaurs. A mosasaur aquarium. Virtual reality. Petting zoos. 3D interactive educational pre-shows. Everything shiny, clean, five-star, futuristic and emblazoned with the Stark Industries logo. We are going to make billions out of this.”

            Pepper waved an impatient hand through the empty air he was gesturing to. “We are going to make nothing. The technology to do this doesn’t exist.”

            “It does. I looked it up. A combination of new DNA extraction technologies, phylogenetic analysis, extrapolation from the closest living relatives, experimental atavism, and filling in the gaps from other genetic sources. It works, Pepper. The technology’s sound.”

            She narrowed her eyes at him. “So, you became an expert in paleogenetic engineering overnight.”

            Tony shrugged modestly. “It took two nights.”

            “And this park idea doesn’t even make sense. What if the dinosaurs got out? It would be a PR nightmare.”

            “It makes lots of sense. I’ll show you.”

            Pepper’s mouth went dry as she realized there was more to this than just the stock certificates.

            “I just got you a new wardrobe,” she complained, as she followed him into the next room. “Business suits and stuff. You know. Normal person Christmas presents. I’m sure you’ve _heard_ of normal-”

            The next room, which had until today been a breakfast nook, was now dominated by some huge rectangular object covered in a curtain. Tony made a hand gesture to Friday, and a hidden mechanism whisked the curtain away. Under it – as Pepper had begun to suspect – was something like an iguana enclosure, but many times the size, lit and heated and equipped with an earthen floor, dangling branches, a water trough...

            Inside it sat a tiny, placid-looking, long-necked dinosaur.

            Pepper made a small, strangled noise.

            Tony kissed her on the forehead, beaming with self-satisfaction. “I just thought. You know. Normal people have pets. Normal people get pets all the time. Now that we’re engaged and settling down like a couple of old people, it’s totally reasonable to get a pet. You wanted a pet, right?”

            Pepper’s voice sounded like it was coming from somewhere else, far away. “We don’t have room... for a brachiosaurus... in the Stark Tower.”

            A panel in the enclosure mechanically opened, and Tony stepped inside, picking up the dinosaur – only the size of a big lapdog, right now – in his arms. It looked back and forth between him and Pepper, but didn’t resist.

            “See, this isn’t a brachiosaurus, though,” said Tony. “Magyarosaurus. Smallest known sauropod. She’ll grow to be six meters long, but most of that’s the neck and tail. Weighs as much as a Clydesdale. Totally manageable.”

            Pepper could not move. She stared at the placid baby dinosaur. “That... that is a robot, or some sort of crazy thing.”

            “Nope. Genuine cloned, hand-reared, biological dinosaur. Eats, drinks, shits. Shits a lot, actually. Friday was not thrilled about being programmed for poop duty. You want to hold her?”

            Pepper found that, somehow, she did. Very much. Tony handed the dinosaur over.

            Whatever else Pepper thought about this ridiculousness, she could see that the dinosaur had been hand-reared and tamed very carefully. It certainly had no fear of people. It squirmed in Pepper’s arms at first, making a half-hearted attempt to return to Tony, but calmed as she sat on the floor with it and stroked its back. It was warmer than she’d expected a dinosaur to be. It made a tiny cooing noise.

            Tony crouched next to the two of them, a warm hand taking Pepper’s left as her right hand pet the baby Magyarosaurus. He kissed her on the temple, possessively.

            “That’s right,” he said. “We’re going to be one big, happy, making-billions-of-dollars-off-dinosaur-tourism family. What do you think you’ll name her?”

            Pepper sighed shortly, and pulled herself back together.

            “All right,” she said. “We’re going to do this. But you are not making _any_ business decisions without my say-so _ever_ again, because I am your _C.E.O._ , and before we so much as hire a single new InGen worker I am having _my_ people do a thorough reassessment of the company. Three separate consumer safety and environmental impact studies both of all existing InGen projects and before _any_ new development, because this is still a PR disaster waiting to happen. The first time a dinosaur, I don’t know, injures a tourist, we’re going to be-” The dinosaur interrupted her with a small cheeping sound, and she found herself distracted from whatever else she’d been about to say. “Oh my God.”

            “It’s not a PR disaster,” Tony said, pulling both close. “We can handle it. Because I have my brilliant CEO on that job for me. Besides, if the dinosaurs did get out and go on a rampage or whatever, you know what else we have? Superheroes. This will be fine.”

            “Liar,” said Pepper, but this time, she met his lips with hers.


End file.
